"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"- Albert Einstein

It was twelve noon at the factory. The whistle blew and the workers streamed out for lunch break. This was back in the days when most workers carried a black lunch pail with a thermos in the lid which opened back revealing the sandwiches carefully wrapped in wax paper.

This day, several men found themselves sitting next to each other on a metal bench. One of the men was a big, tough-looking guy. The other, we would have to say, was just regular. They didn't know one another, and without even acknowledging each other's presence they opened their lunch pails.

The big guy removed the wax paper and lifted the edge of one of the pieces of bread to see what kind of a sandwich it was. Talking more to himself than to the guy next to him, he muttered. "Oh no, s'peanut s'butter sandwich." The other man pretended not to hear and continued to mind his own business. Nothing more was said. The next day, lunch time found the same two men sitting side by side. They still had not acknowledged each other. Again, the big man opened his lunch pail, unwrapped a sandwich, and lifted a corner of the bread to see what kind of sandwich it was. This time it was evident he was unhappy with what he discovered, and he said in a voice louder than the day before. "Oh no, s'peanut s'butter sandwich!"

The third day presented the same scenario. But this time when the big fellow discovered it was a peanut butter sandwich he went into a rage.

The regular sized guy, who for the last several days had pretended not to see what was going on, could resist no longer. "Buddy", he said, respectfully, "I notice you don't like peanut butter sandwiches. Why don't you ask your wife to fix you something else?"

At that, the big man turned and stuck his fist in the other's face, "Shut ya mouth. I pack my own lunch." It's true. We all pack our own lunch. Someone has said we make our own bedlam, and we have to sleep in it. You see, life is a process of cause and effect. Nothing happens just by chance. We don't make history, we simply repeat it. The wise man said there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9).

A happy home is not a fortunate accident. Everything about our existence is arranged upon definite principles. We seem to understand this concept better when it plays out in the physical sciences. Let me explain. I believe it is safe to say that no one really invents anything. People simply discover the principles that are involved in the particular effect they are trying to produce, and then they manufacture the components that are consistent with those principles and put them together. Sound complicated? Well, it really isn't. The point is if we match the right causes, we will get the effect we want.

I think of this principle sometimes when I am flying in an airplane. An airplane must be designed consistent with the principles of aerodynamics or it won't fly. Not only that, the pilot must control the plane in a manner consistent with the same principles. He can't make up his own rules about how he will fly. He can decide only whether he will fly or not. If he doesn't obey the laws of flight, he simply will not get off the ground.

Follow this thought: Nothing happens by chance or even by accident. What we call an accident is itself the result of certain causes that we did not foresee or that we didn't even want to come together. We might call it an accident, but what happened was the result of certain causes.

The world in which we live is predictable The Bible puts it this way, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap" Galatians 6:7.

The Apostle James illustrates the same principle. "Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh "(James 3:11, 12).

Jesus said, "Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles" (Matthew 7:16)? The Christian life, and as an extension the Christian home, is also subject to the law of cause and effect. A person who wants to make a cake must bring together the right ingredients and bake them at a certain temperature for a specific amount of time.

Likewise, if our homes are to be healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually, it is necessary for us to bring together the ingredients that will produce the results we need or desire.

Remember, a happy home is no accident. Neither is an unhappy home. If our homes are less than a little heaven on earth (effect), perhaps we are not employing the right ingredients (causes).

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Could it be that some of us are sowing the same bad seeds and applying the same faulty ingredients in our families but expecting different and better results?

There was a time when being a member of a conservative denomination meant that it was forbidden to drink alcohol, to smoke, to go to the theater, or to dance. Women were to dress modestly and jewelry was not allowed. These standards served to give a certain structure to the church, society and the Christian home.

These types of standards are largely a thing of the past and are now seen by many as legalism. The current wisdom has it that the Christian home should not be a place where dos and don'ts are emphasized, rather, it is all about relationships.

Looking back across the years one would have to agree that in the past we were indeed big into do's and don'ts. In fact we were bigger into don'ts than into do's. But if life is indeed a product of cause and effect, is it possible to separate do's and don'ts from relationships? Are the two concepts adversarial, or are they in fact complementary? Let's use as a practical illustration the relationship between husband and wife. After more than forty years of marriage, I can speak with some authority. I have discovered that my relationship with my wife is nurtured by the way I treat her-- in plain language, by the things I do or the things I don't do.

Have you other men discovered that, too? I can say, "I love you, I love you, I love you" (and we should say it often to each other); but if its not backed up with a little action (helping around the house, taking her out, buying her flowers), it won't be very convincing.

The principle of cause and effect can have a negative side, also. By my thoughtlessness, rudeness or disrespect, I can cause some pretty negative effects. All this boils down to the fact that what I do or don't do greatly affects my relationship with my wife. Somewhere along the way we have picked up the idea that says that what we put into something doesn't necessarily have a bearing on what we get out of it. This, in spite of learning the cardinal rule of computers, 'garbage in, garbage out'.

The book of Proverbs can often be difficult to follow because it seems to be written mostly in sound bites. Rarely does a thought go from one verse to another. But the book is probably the richest concentration of the principles of cause and effect in all of Scriptures. Together its verses comprise a huge list of do's and don'ts. Fortunately the proverbs are likelihoods, not irrevocable promises. Nevertheless the basic concept is, if you want that to happen, do this, and if you don't want this to happen, then don't do that. The point is, life is certainly about relationships and relationships are built up or broken down by do's and don'ts, which are in and of themselves causes and effects.

In the contemporary culture there are powerful forces whose effect is to greatly weaken, if not destroy, the home as we have known it. If we desire to establish a Christian home, we must be pro-active and make intentional, well-informed decisions as to what we will include and what we will exclude from home life.

Betty and I live in Central Florida. In a normal year during the summer months we often have nearly torrential rains in the afternoon. Usually they come and go quickly, but often inches of rain may fall in a very short time.

If there is a leak in the roof, water will eventually find it. It can be just a hair line crack, but over time the water will find its way in. A small leak may not at first affect the rooms that lie beneath it, but will eventually cause the sheeting to deteriorate. This doesn't happen in a day but over time. A small leak can go unnoticed for several years, but when it is finally discovered a lot of wood may have to be replaced.

Like a roof, our marriages can have a small leak or flaw that isn't detected until something begins to deteriorate. The problem is that it is easier to replace and repair rotten roof sheeting than it is to repair a rotten marriage.

There was a time when a bad family relationship could survive in spite of itself. The culture, the church, and even the extended family could keep things held together. Those days seem to be a thing of the past. Moreover, it used to be that church people didn't seem to have the same kinds of problems as the un-churched. This, too, is changing. Our homes are now, as it were, taking direct hits; and unless we take steps to protect our marriage, we can easily become just another statistic.

Increasingly we are allowing the forces of contemporary culture to shape not only our world view but our way of life. Whether by neglect or intentionally, we are in many instances employing causes that can have only one effect and that is the break-down of the family as God meant for it to be.

Could it be that we are collectively and as individuals flirting with insanity-doing the same things but expecting different results? In times past there was a sense of urgency to life, a raison d'etre. But life has become so casual and haphazard. (Someone has suggested that perhaps the trouble is that families are not getting ready for the coming of Jesus anymore.).

Tragically the verses in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 can now be used to describe what is happening in many Christian families. "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."

This condition is not a result of chance or bad luck. Nothing in this world happens by chance. Been there, done that. We pack our own lunch. Could the condition of many Christian families be due to the fact that they no longer consider relevant the command, "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." (1 John 2:15)?

The story of Old Testament Israel is a narrative of what happens when God's people became involved in the cultures of the unbelieving nations around them. They paid an awful price and unless we learn the lesson, we will pay as well.

The Christian family of the 21st Century is already paying a great price. We have opened our homes to the enemy of our souls, and great damage is being done. As darkness covers the earth and gross darkness the people (Isaiah 60:2), we must immediately take steps to close the doors of our homes to anything and everything that is incompatible with the holy life we have been commanded to live. We must be intentional and diligent to allow in our homes only those things which will serve to build up the kingdom of God. It is a matter of cause and effect.

I invite you right now to do an inventory of your personal and family life. What are your family goals? Who are your role models? Are you allowing influences into your home that will result in heartache?

Some years ago, a family who served with us in South America dropped by our house to spend the night. They are a family who enjoy pets, including snakes and lizards. They were on vacation and were excited that along the way they had been able to capture a variety of snake they had always wanted. While they traveled, they kept the snake in an aquarium with a lid, and so they asked if they could bring the aquarium into the house for the night. I graciously told them they could, so we put the aquarium downstairs in the utility room.

The next morning the family gathered their things together, including the aquarium. Nothing was missing but the snake, which somehow had escaped into the house during the night. Reading this may make you laugh, but to me it wasn't funny. Of course they were apologetic and so we bade good-by to our old friends who had, unplanned, left us a unique hostess gift--a snake loose in the house.

I share this experience because it reminds me that, although we wouldn't do it on purpose, some have let snakes loose in their homes. Not the harmless, garden variety of snake but the kind whose bite can cheapen family relationships and even paralyze spiritual growth. The negative things we experience in our homes may be an accident but they are not accidental. We don't make history, we repeat it. Been there, done that. We are simply reaping what has been sown. It is the law of cause and effect.

If things are not turning out as hoped, then we need to discover how we may be contributing to the results that we do not want. In most cases, if we are honest with ourselves, we don't need to have someone tell us what we are doing that we shouldn't. The truth is, we usually know better even though the specifics may for the time being be lost in the muddle of life.

The devil is dishing out as it were a sweet syrup that is appealing but if savored will prove to be fatal to our most precious relationships-- those in the family and our relationship with God. The message that prepares us for the coming of Jesus also heals our homes. But it is one that must be discovered from Scripture and not from our culture. By the power of the Holy Spirit this message must be implemented in our homes while there is still time.

About the snake that was loose in our house. It eluded us for several months. One day I was making repairs and needed to use the electric skill saw. I picked it up and was about to turn it on when I discovered the snake tightly curled up in the metal shield that covers the blade. I put it back down very quickly. Now, how get him out? The answer came to me. I put the saw in the sunshine, it got hot, and he crawled away never to be seen again!

In the next chapter we will learn that how we define a problem will determine what we do about it. Please take a moment now to review the Points to Ponder at the end of this chapter and then do the homework assignment.

Points to Ponder:

1. Nothing happens by chance.
2. Not understanding or complying with 'dos and don'ts' make or break a relationship.
3. The book of Proverbs is a sound bite approach to the dos and don'ts of living.
4. Though we may not have ordered the life that has been served up to us, we are responsible for what we do with it. Someone has said that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond.
5. Negative relationships in the home are increasingly the result of buying into group thinking rather than the principles enunciated in the Word of God.

Homework Assignment:

1. Identify two things that seem to be working in your home. Determine what is happening that makes these positive things possible.
2. Identify two things that are happening in your family that you wish that were not. Analyze and list the probable causes. Remember, nothing happens by chance. Life is about causes and effects.