How can we tell if we still have bitterness?

[Soulspeaker]

If you have bitterness for someone that's not with us anymore, so you can no longer ask for forgiveness from that person; how are we to know that we have forgiven them? I don't have someone that I'm bitter towards to someone that's dead but I still need to know how to answer this question.

[Larry Lyons]

If you have bitterness for someone that's not with us anymore, so you can no longer ask for forgiveness from that person; how are we to know that we have forgiven them? I don't have someone that I'm bitter towards to someone that's dead but I still need to know how to answer this question.

Welcome to the forum soulseeker!! It is good to have you with us.
It sounds like you are asking how can you tell if you have truly forgiven someone, is that correct? That is an interesting question. I suppose we all have had resentments towards others and have harbored ill feelings towards them. Even though we want to forginve them and let go of those feelings, it can be hard, depending on the situation. I believe that the fact that we want to forgive, is evidence that the Holy Spirit is convicting us. It calls for earnest prayer. David's prayer  "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10) is a good prayer to pray. I know that there are many people who have had bitterness and even hatred towards a parent, and never forgave them before the parent died. It is never too late to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't depend on the response of the other person. Even if they are present, they may not accept an apology, but forgiveness can relieve and cleanse our own hearts of the burden of resentment and bitterness

[Raven]

Yes, forgiveness is more for our benefit than someone else.  It is our attitudes & motives that need repairing.  How the other person responds (or doesn't) is not really our concern; it is between that person and God.  This is evidenced by the story of Stephen, when he forgave those who were stoning him.  He never had the chance to know how they responded to that forgiveness.

Of course none of us can conjure up genuine forgiveness; it can come only from the Holy Spirit.  If someone is having trouble forgiving another (dead or alive), then they need to pray for a new heart.  That's the only solution.

[Ed Sutton]

How does a person forgive someone living or be sure that they fully forgave someone who is now dead ?

Forgiving completely with no grudging or bitteness left, and with the void where bitterness used to be, filled with (agape, agapous, philio from God ), is a salvation issue.   So to forgive is to enter into one of the conditions of entering into salvation.


    

The work of gaining salvation is one of copartnership, a joint operation. There is to be co-operation between God and the repentant sinner. This is necessary for the formation of right principles in the character. Man is to make earnest efforts to overcome that which hinders him from attaining to perfection. But he is wholly dependent upon God for success. Human effort of itself is not sufficient. Without the aid of divine power it avails nothing. God works and man works. Resistance of temptation must come from man, who must draw his power from God. On the one side there is infinite wisdom, compassion, and power; on the other, weakness, sinfulness, absolute helplessness.  {AA 482.2}
     God wishes us to have the mastery over ourselves. But He cannot help us without our consent and co-operation. The divine Spirit works through the powers and faculties given to man. Of ourselves, we are not able to bring the purposes and desires and inclinations into harmony with the will of God; but if we are "willing to be made willing," the Saviour will accomplish this for us, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5.  {AA 482.3}

1. Divine absolute -  Jeremiah 29:13  And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.    Pray for something over and over day by day till you want it more than anything else, and claim this promise, deciding to trust that God keeps his promises.

2.  Ask to be made willing,  for God to make you willing to forgive and accept His agape, agapous, philio implanted in your heart for this person to replace any and all bitterness even if this person never is trustworthy.     He did for the man whose lack of belief was stopping Jesus from rescuing his afflicted son, what the man asked in helplessness and faith that took God at His word and being unable to force himself to feel faith, he begs God to step in and add His own power,  to his best human efforts,  and make that tiny faith enough because put His finger to move the prevously unmoving .  Mark 9:17-29  (Jesus used HIs own faith, prayer, fasting to answer the man's need and helpless but trusting cry for help.)  Read Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing p-141-144.  

3.  Forgiveness and the (Love - Agape<26>, Agapous<25>, Philio<5384>) from God are both gifts from inside His heart / mind and humans can not create or originate them, but we can ask for them to be implanted and developed within us, and ask Him to help us co-operate with His work of putting us in position to receive those gifts and obtain their work inside us, and choose to attempt to live them out in our lives as He teaches , leads, empowers us to.      God will make sure you love and have mercy and forgive - enough that it will satisfy His requirements, because He will give you as much love, mervy, forgiveness as He implanted in the human nature of Jesus, as much as you can hold each day in your own humanity.   Then act as thoiugh you have forgiven and God will change the feeling to match your decision to trust God to make it happen inside you.   Jordan didn't stop till the priest's feet got wet.  read Acts 5:31-32; John 12: 23, 26; James 1:25

  

 Christ will never abandon the soul for whom He has died. The soul may leave Him and be overwhelmed with temptation, but Christ can never turn from one for whom He has paid the ransom of His own life. Could our spiritual vision be quickened, we should see souls bowed under oppression and burdened with grief, pressed as a cart beneath sheaves and ready to die in discouragement. We should see angels flying swiftly to aid these tempted ones, who are standing as on the brink of a precipice. The angels from heaven force back the hosts of evil that encompass these souls, and guide them to plant their feet on the sure foundation. The battles waging between the two armies are as real as those fought by the armies of this world, and on the issue of the spiritual conflict eternal destinies depend.  {MB 118.4}  

[Ed Sutton]

The willingness to forgive, the ability to forgive and release the ownership of the debt against you, overcome as Jesus Christ also over came, and win souls - both in house, at home, and anywhere else,  all come from The Holy Spirit Himself carrying down to Earth Jesus Christ's gifts from on High, given on loan as an extention of His work of preservation and life from above .  

"capacity to receive" = 32  hits

 Christ has promised the gift of the Holy Spirit to His church, and the promise belongs to us as much as to the first disciples. But like every other promise, it is given on conditions. There are many who believe and profess to claim the Lord's promise; they talk about Christ and about the Holy Spirit, yet receive no benefit. They do not surrender the soul to be guided and controlled by the divine agencies. We cannot use the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is to use us. Through the Spirit God works in His people "to will and to do of His good pleasure." But many will not submit to this. They want to manage themselves. This is why they do not receive the heavenly gift. Only to those who wait humbly upon God, who watch for His guidance and grace, is the Spirit given. The power of God awaits their demand and reception. This promised blessing, claimed by faith, brings all other blessings in its train. It is given according to the riches of the grace of Christ, and He is ready to supply every soul according to the capacity to receive.--The Desire of Ages, p. 672.  {ChS 253.1}

     The great outpouring of the Spirit of God, which lightens the whole earth with His glory, will not come until we have an enlightened people, that know by experience what it means to be laborers together with God. When we have entire, wholehearted consecration to the service of Christ, God will recognize the fact by an outpouring of His Spirit without measure; but this will not be while the largest portion of the church are not laborers together with God.--Review and Herald, July 21, 1896.  {ChS 253.2}