There was a time when being a member of a conservative denomination meant that one was not to drink alcohol, smoke, go to the theater, or dance. Women were to dress modestly, and jewelry was not allowed. These standards served to give a certain structure to the church, society, and the Christian home, Now, however, these types of standards are largely a thing of the past, and many consider them to be legalism. The current wisdom has it that the Christian home shouldn't be a place where do's and don'ts are emphasized—rather, they say, Christianity is all about relationships.

Looking back across the years, I would have to agree that in the past we were indeed big into do's and don'ts. In fact, we were bigger into don'ts than into do's. But if life is indeed a product of cause and effect, is it possible to separate do's and don'ts from relationships? Are the two concepts adversarial, or are they, in fact, complementary?

Let's use as a practical illustration the relationship between husband and wife. After more than fifty years of marriage, I feel I can speak with some authority. I have discovered that I nurture my relationship with my wife by the way I treat her—in plain language, by the things I do and don't do. I can say, I love you, I love you, I love you" (and we should say these words often to each other), but if I don't back up these words with a little action (helping around the house, taking her out, buying her flowers), my professions of love won't be very convincing.

The principle of cause and effect has a negative side also. Thoughtlessness, rudeness, and disrespect can cause some pretty negative effects. All this boils down to the fact that what I do or don't do greatly affects my relationship with my wife. Somewhere along the way, however, we've picked up the idea that what we put into something doesn't necessarily have a bearing on what we get out of it—this, in spite of learning the cardinal rule of computers: “garbage in, garbage out.”  Lord, Save my Family, pp. 17-18.